{"id":15240,"date":"2019-11-14T18:34:36","date_gmt":"2019-11-14T18:34:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cmshub.wpengine.com\/?p=286940"},"modified":"2024-11-03T15:16:52","modified_gmt":"2024-11-03T15:16:52","slug":"how-to-respond-when-your-parents-are-critical-of-your-parenting-choices","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/how-to-respond-when-your-parents-are-critical-of-your-parenting-choices\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Respond When Your Parents Are Critical Of Your Parenting Choices"},"content":{"rendered":"

All new moms have felt criticized or judged sometime during their first years of parenthood. Not only do mothers suddenly need to adjust to a tiny person who demands all of their time and energy, but they need to deal with people giving unwanted advice about what they\u2019d do differently.<\/span>It\u2019s extremely hard when that type of advice comes from their own parents.<\/span>Your parents have already molded your core knowledge of parenting. The traditions they held that you enjoyed will likely be duplicated with your own kids. But there were also parts that you probably hated that won\u2019t see the light of day. For example, if you had to finish your plate before you left the dinner table, even if you weren\u2019t hungry, you probably have no problem letting your kids store their leftovers in the fridge to snack on later.<\/span>There\u2019s also part of you that probably feels insulted when your parents have the nerve to critique your parenting. It\u2019s almost like they don\u2019t believe you can do this. No matter how old we get, we\u2019ll always look to our parents for validation. When they make a point in saying that we\u2019re not doing the right thing for our own kids, it\u2019ll sting harder than criticism from anyone else. Parents may have opinions, but unless someone\u2019s in danger, they should keep those opinions to themselves.<\/span>The best way to handle any sort of confrontation is to prepare for it ahead of time. Here are 10 techniques to handle your parents when they cross a line and insult your parenting.<\/span>
\n<\/span>10. Recognize that they might just want to feel included<\/span>\"\"<\/span>Photo: Pixabay\/ds004t0042<\/span>There\u2019s nobody who\u2019s more stressed out than you are right now, especially if your child is very young or has special needs. But try to flip things around. Your parents are realizing that their job is done. They\u2019ll always want to give you love and support, but the torch has been passed on \u2014 you\u2019re the parent now. That might be difficult for them to handle.<\/span>Offering advice (and, okay, sometimes meddling) is a way for them to still feel relevant while they\u2019re figuring out the rules and boundaries as grandparents.<\/span>
\n<\/span>9. Tell them when it hurts your feelings<\/span>\"\"<\/span>Photo: Pexels\/Thnh Phng<\/span>Your parents might not have a filter, and they might not know when to back off. If their comments are affecting your visit, or even straining their relationship with their grandkids, you need to tell them they\u2019ve gone too far. It might be tough to speak your mind, but it\u2019s important. You don\u2019t want to end up resenting them.<\/span>8. Remind them that things have changed<\/span>\"\"<\/span>Photo: Pexels\/Kaku Nguyen<\/span>Just think about all of the things your parents didn\u2019t have to worry about, like social media, cellphones, and online bullying. There\u2019s a good chance they also had plenty of support around, since families often lived closer together back then. The advice they\u2019re giving you could very well be out of date.<\/span>
\n<\/span>7. Remember that their intentions are (probably) good<\/span>\"\"<\/span>Photo: Pexels\/Michael Morse<\/span>They care about your kid \u2014 that\u2019s the most important part. Remind yourself that you know your child best and that if they\u2019re happy and well-adjusted, you\u2019re doing just fine. Take a deep breath and realize that at the core of it, your parents are on your team. They just may not be the most courteous teammates sometimes.<\/span>6. Tell them that positivity is a must<\/span>\"\"<\/span>Photo: Adobe Stock\/Konstantin Yuganov<\/span>Let your parents know what is and isn\u2019t acceptable. It\u2019s one thing to ask whether or not your child needs a bath, compared to saying something snippy like, \u201cDon\u2019t you ever wash your child?\u201d If they always talk to you negatively, or seem to look for ways to tear you down, tell them that you want to keep it positive for the kids. Say something like, \u201cI know you have concerns, but I need you to express them in a kinder way when we visit,\u201d which is both straightforward and polite.<\/span>
\n<\/span>5. Set boundaries<\/span>\"\"<\/span>Photo: Pexels\/David Garrison<\/span>It might be scary to have that initial conversation, but it\u2019s worth it if you want to save your relationship with your parents. Tell them that their comments (especially if they happen in front of other family members or friends) aren\u2019t appreciated and that it\u2019s hard to feel welcome at their home if you feel like you\u2019re always being attacked. Recognize the particular topics or criticisms that bother you the most, and state that you\u2019d prefer if they were off-limits during the visit.<\/span>4. Shorten visits<\/span>\"\"<\/span>Photo: Pexels\/Engin Akyurt<\/span>It\u2019s cruel to take your child away from their grandparents, but mom\u2019s mental health matters more in situations like these. If you usually stay overnight, consider shortening the trip. That, or get a hotel if you normally sleep at their place. Paying the money is hard, but being able to have a temporary escape will be priceless.<\/span>
\n<\/span>3. Remind your mom how it felt to be a young mother<\/span>\"\"<\/span>Photo: AdobeStock\/Tomsickova<\/span>Your mom may have forgotten about the sleepless nights that come with the first few years of parenthood. If she\u2019s a reasonable woman, you can try to remind her that you\u2019re under enough stress as it is. When your kids have grown, it\u2019s easy to forget about all of the chaos that a baby brings. Empathize with her about motherhood, and make sure she knows you\u2019re really trying.<\/span>2. Remind your parents that every child is different<\/span>\"\"<\/span>Photo: Pexels\/Bruna Saito<\/span>They may have been successful parents to you, but they\u2019ve never been parents to your child before. It\u2019s possible that parenting methods they swore by just wouldn\u2019t work in your situation. A calm \u201cevery child is different\u201d reminder should help your parents remember that they need to back off.<\/span>
\n<\/span>1. Refuse to respond at all<\/span>\"\"<\/span>Adobe Stock\/Photographee.eu<\/span>Communication is always best. But sometimes, when you really need to shut someone down, silence can say what words can\u2019t. If your parents are relentless to the point where you feel bullied, don\u2019t engage with them. They may just be looking for a response and a way to ruffle your feathers. When you get home, think about whether or not your overall relationship with them is healthy. It\u2019s OK to cut off your parents when they\u2019re being abusive.<\/span>This story originally appeared at LittleThings<\/a>.<\/span><\/span>Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

All new moms have felt criticized or judged sometime during their first years of parenthood. Not only do mothers suddenly need to adjust to a tiny person who demands all of their time and energy, but they need to deal with people giving unwanted advice about what they\u2019d do differently.It\u2019s extremely hard when that type […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":15241,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5137],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15240","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-world-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15240","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15240"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15240\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45714,"href":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15240\/revisions\/45714"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15241"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15240"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15240"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ogkologos.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15240"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}